“Class . . . Class . . . Shut Up!!!  Thank You!”

For those of us of a certain age, we clearly remember Cheech & Chong’s hilarious 1978 Sister Mary Elephant exultation to her noisy, raucous students: “Class . . . Class . . . Shut up!!!  Thank you!”

(Through prayer and counseling, I, too, “survived” the wrath and trauma meted out by I.H.M. nuns in 1960s Detroit Grade Schools: St. Catherine (1-5), St. Edward (6-7), St. Charles (8). :v) )

Well, I’m not quite sure if you’ve noticed, but, these days, many Jazz clubs can be quite noisy, and I’m not referring to the volume of the sounds emanating from the stage.  Of course, I’m talking about the sounds from fellow patrons sitting near and around us.

And I can speak first-hand from patronizing many Jazz clubs in NYC, Philly, Detroit, the Bay Area, and the ‘DMV’.

By my count, the various culprits include, but are not limited to:

  • “Chatty Cathy(s)”
  • Fellas from the pub/bar
  • Romantic couples on 1st date
  • Girls’ Night Out
  • Old timers just chattin’ it up
  • First-timers at a ‘Jazz’ club
  • Out-of-town tourists out for a good time
  • College students of drinking age at a social meet-up
  • Jazz ‘expert’ providing a note-by-note tutorial to a neophyte
  • Folks who simply think they’re hosting a private concert in their living room
  • Other Jazz musicians loudly getting re-acquainted in the rear within earshot of the stage

It is my educated guess that one or all of these groups share a basic misunderstanding; they confuse a Jazz club that serves food & drinks with a restaurant that features ‘live’ Jazz.

To expound, at the former, admission-paying patrons show up primarily for the artist(s) and the music; the food is ancillary and probably NOT the deciding factor whether or not one attends a performance. At the latter, great food, good conversation, and fellowshipping with friends are all expected. Let the good times roll! Beautiful melodies serve as background music, and appreciation is displayed by light applause, as well as contributions to a tip jar. Similarly, the band performing is probably NOT the deciding factor whether or not a party dines at a restaurant.

Simply put, these patrons don’t understand, or have not had Jazz club ‘etiquette’ explained to them.

It’s quite sad, or simply a sign of the times, that many Jazz venues have to actually announce prior to a performance that “we are a listening club” (DUH!!!) and/or “out of respect for the artists and your neighbors, please keep conversation at a minimum.”  Some even place small “Quiet Please!” placards on the tables, as well as L.E.D. ticker tapes above the stage.  Very sad, indeed!

The late Gino Moratti at NYC’s Kitano Jazz Club (permanently closed) went as far as to recite this beautiful speech (plea) before every 8:00 P.M. and 10:00 P.M. set: 

“… An artist paints on a canvas.  Musicians create their music on silence.  And that inspires them to get to a higher level, to get into a zone, and bring the magic out of the music… Out of respect for the musicians, as well as those seated around you, please NO talking!!!”

I even recall him telling me that he never understood why people came to Jazz shows to talk! :v(

After repeatedly making eye contact with the perpetrators, gesturing to PLEASE refrain from talking, with no success, you can feel your patience being severly tested.  Even to the point that you give serious thought to turning to your noisy, chatty, talkative neighbors and echoing the aforementioned brave nun.  Just thinking…

On a few occasions, after I’ve successfully asked or motioned to chatty patrons to “please be quiet” or to “please hold it down”, other nearby patrons have given me a thumbs up, nodded, winked, or lip spoken “THANKS!!!”

After all, like the next person, I’ve paid my hard-earned money to see a particular Jazz artist in a quiet setting, conducive to good listening and devoid of constant chattering.  And I want to get my money’s worth!

I sometimes wonder if these same folks would display that same type of behavior and disrespect at a Classical concert, symphony orchestra concert, or opera featuring Vladimir Horowitz, Leonard Bernstein, or Luciano Pavarotti, respectively.  Of course not!  In fact, if so, they’d be asked to leave immediately or escorted out, no doubt!

Certainly, Jazz artists, highly trained practitioners of such a beautiful and original American art form, deserve the very same respect, dignity, and courtesy afforded other performing artists.

One would surmise that if everyone around you were silent and attentive, while you’re blabbing away and are very animated, you’d be observant enough to pick up on the fact that perhaps you should NOT be talking.  Oh well…

Some older Jazz artists from a different generation altogether, many of whom have passed on, are/were known to eyeball noisy customer(s), castigate them on the spot, and/or stop playing mid-song until the customer(s) ‘straighten up and fly right’ and shut up.  They rightfully demanded respect and didn’t mess around with such knuckleheads!!!

For their part, Jazz club owners, who continually fight for financial survival amongst an aging loyal straightahead Jazz fan base, and looking to spread/grow its fan base and venue’s appeal, often take a laissez faire and/or non-confrontational approach to noisy customers.  Some, not all, owners dare not jeopardize losing any food & drink revenues from unhappy customers, however uninitiated or unsophisticated they may be.

Unfortunately, this approach may bear unfavorable results in the long-term.  I’ve heard serious Jazz fans say, “I’ve stopped going to (unnamed) Jazz club because it’s too noisy!” or “I would love to check out (favorite artist), but he/she is appearing at (unnamed) Jazz club; it’s too loud!”  I’ve also passed up a few Jazz shows for similar reasons.

Or they’ll only attend a Thursday performance of a four-night engagement, specifically, in order to avoid the raucous, rowdy ‘out-for-a-good-time’ weekend crowd.

In the long run, we serious and loyal Jazz fans deserve better.  Quiet, please… :v)

Kenneth